Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Enjoy the penises
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
