Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This baby is an asshole
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
