She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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