Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
