the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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