Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
