i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
