Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
