OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cannot find my penis.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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