That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
