i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
