You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize