So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
