SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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