u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
