I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
