Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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