No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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