Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
