her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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