3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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