How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
