Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
