dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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