is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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