Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
