I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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