Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
