Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
