Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
