Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
