How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
