he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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