I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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