So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Randomize
