weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
