he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
