Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
