But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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