is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
