I'm drive I can fine osifer
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
