getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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