Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
