Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
