Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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