I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
