Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
