3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
