i already hear my dad disowning me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
