I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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