I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
its liver damage thursday
Randomize