Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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