I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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