when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
