He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
