brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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