she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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