Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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