I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
