was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
