I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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