i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
