if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I understand Curling. That high.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize