As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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