They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
