Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
