I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
