p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
