Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
