So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
