Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
