Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize