I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
