I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
